Isn’t MaltaPark just great? I know I like it, because instead of lusting after almost-brand-new F-Types on AutoTrader, I can look at an endless list of Yarises and Vitzes. That’s ok though, because there are gems hiding there.

In case you didn’t know, MaltaPark is a classifieds website covering, you guessed it, Malta. Its automotive section is, ahem, interesting. Imagine a mishmash of eBay motors and Craigslist, but with far more typos.

So we went digging to uncover the diamonds in the rough. We waded through the crap, and eliminated most of the dealers, and here is our list of the Top 5 cars under €5000 to buy on MaltaPark today.

Clarification – photos below are NOT from the actual MaltaPark listings. If you look at the listings yourself, the reason why becomes obvious.

 

2012 Range Rover Evoque – €1356

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6846682

There’s got to be a mistake here, right? The highly coveted Maltese soccer mum car for sale, for only €1356? The car that says you’re going somewhere in life, and it’s only done 60,000 KM? And it’s essentially loaded with everything, Dual Climate A/C, Perforated Leather, Sat Nav WITH MALTESE MAPS INCLUDED, Reverse Camera, 20″ Alloys, and Lane Departure Warning, though good luck using that in Marsa!

 

So, this is either a cruel typo and you’re not about to make your wife very happy, or you do pay €1356, and a hefty registration fee too, and you’re not about to make your wife very happy.

 

1984 Mazda 929 – €2800

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6655416

Remember that 323F you wanted, the one with pop up headlights? Well, this is TRIPLE that. Almost triple that; yeah my maths isn’t all that great.

But really, it’s a 1984 Mazda, meaning it has another 30 years of life, easy. It’s over 30 years old, so you pay only €8 annually for licensing. It’s huge, slow, fantastically 80s, and I’ll bet it’s built like a tank, so any wayward Qashqai bumping into you will have another thing coming. And it’s gangster AF, for around the cost of your igaming job paycheck. Come on, what’s not to love? One caveat; no pop up headlights.

 

1978 Fiat 127 – €2900

I have a soft spot for 127s, always have, or at least have had since our beloved family car got replaced by a pale blue Citroen C3. Much more comfort, but nowhere near the character.

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6846502

Anyways, the seller describes this Fiat 127 succinctly –

– always garaged

– no rust

– vintage (8 euro licence)

– factory interior

– very nice condition

For €2900, I mean, not bad. Looks like something you could drive fairly often, though daily might be pushing it. And at that price, with a little TLC and by scouring for few newer, shinier parts on the dark side of FIAT forums, you could get yourself some real Italian eye candy here, from back when cars were stylish, if simple.

 

1992 Honda CRX Del Sol – €3330

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6846987

You know almost what’s as cool as pop up headlights? Targa tops. Though I’m not sure this particular Honda Del Sol listed on MaltaPark has one of those. Sorry.

Still, for €3300, you too can relive your 90s yob/hoonigan fantasies, in this classic specimen, with aftermarket carbon fibre bonnet, coilovers, that legendary 1.5 VTEC engine, and of course, a manual gearbox. And the harsh ride that surely must accompany this car on any typical Maltese road. But hey, it’s a Del Sol, man!

 

2010 Fiat Panda – €4800

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6847193

What, a Panda, I hear you scream? Yeah, why not? Listen, most people don’t really care about cars, and a Panda is wonderful car for people who don’t care about them, and also for people who do. James May had one, did you know?

Seriously though, the Fiat Panda is a solid proposition for Maltese roads. It’s small, economical, roomy enough for most of the drives you’ll take with passengers, fits into small spaces, and dependable. It’s got a really solid engine, and if you’ve even been to Sicily and seen how these things take to the Stradale, woosh past you at 150 KPH and then run on for 200,000 KM, you won’t doubt me on this.

The Panda is a good car for pretty much anything your average human could need, so don’t scoff.

2007 Alfa Romeo 159 – €5000

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6845649

I love this car. Absolutely adore it. To me, this thing is the prettiest 5 door sedan ever made, and by far the prettiest wagon too. It shares its chassis with the Brera and the Spider, and I STILL THINK IT’S BETTER LOOKING THAN BOTH OF THOSE. The fact that Prime Minister Joseph Muscat had a 159 also has nothing to do with, because now he has a Giulia, and I STILL THINK THE 159 IS BETTER LOOKING THAN THE GIULIA.

So, how come I can get my hands on this sexy Italian sedan, for just €5000?

Well, it’s a diesel, first off. So, disappointment aside, it’s a pretty good diesel. In fact, it’s one of the best diesels ever made, and the 1.9 JTDM this 159 has, I’ve been told is the one to get, not the 2.4 JTDM, which I own. Bah.

Also, it’s a left hand drive car. So it’s a fantastic car, seems to be very well serviced and in good nick, but it’s a diesel Alfa, and it’s left hand drive. Buy it, buy it now. It’s a 159 for €5000, come on!

1964 Austin 1100 – €5000

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6769161

Nothing, nothing, could possible be more endearing than the description for this epic classic;

“Austin 1100. Still in good condition and was bought new from Muscat’s Motors.”

In 1964. BOUGHT NEW, IN 1964. Wow! Ok, so this will need some love as it’s not winning a concourse tomorrow, though judging from the one photo on MaltaPark, it is still really, really handsome.

Plus, dude, you’re buying a 54 year old car. That’s older some nations. That’s probably older than you! For €5000, and annual license of €8? And an engine simple enough that you could probably teach yourself basic mechanics just working off it? Do it, do it now, your Year 6 history teacher demands it!

1998 Mercedes E-Class – €5000

http://www.maltapark.com/item.aspx?ItemID=6797144

For €5000 you could buy yourself a 20 year old example of the car that fell slap bang in the sweet spot of Mercedes’ midrange of executive cars. A UK import, I’ll grant you, but the mileage is low, 42,529 KM to be exact, or just over 3500 KM a year.

Who the hell owned this thing if they never drove it?

Oh, right, it’s an automatic, and it’s petrol, so it’s going to be lurchy as hell with those primitive automatic gearboxes, and because it weighs as much as the new Parliament building, it will need refuelling every 20 meters without fail.

But €5000 for such a symbol of Teutonic weight, such a baller car? It’s straight up gangster, and you know you love it. Buy it today, before Zee Germans get here and demand we scrap everything older than 2010.

Mark

Mark

Mark runs a digital marketing agency, which is as far as you can get from nerding out on cars. That hasn’t stopped him from spending afternoons underneath cars pretending to know what he’s doing, before calling a knowledgeable friend. He doesn’t understand SUVs, and will try convince you, unsuccessfully, that you’re better off with a fast wagon.